When developing any skill, you have to build up your knowledge. You have to do research. It is no different when it comes to miscarriage. No, you certainly cannot research how to be a good friend because there is no concise formula, but gaining knowledge in an area that affects such a large number of the population will automatically make you a more empathetic, caring, and thoughtful individual.
There are two main fruits that come as a result of you gaining knowledge:
1.Understanding life situations better will make you a better person.
I’ve mentioned in both my past two articles that miscarriage is not talked about regularly. Slowly the tide is turning to acknowledge the hidden grief of so many women all over the world. Because it is so hidden, any information you can gather is helpful both for yourself and your friend. Knowledge is key and empowers you to help others more effectively.
2.Do what your friend cannot
Sometimes when people are grieving, it is hard to suddenly have to do research. I remember how overwhelming it was to have to suddenly look up grave site plots, costs, or ways to salvage etc. I didn’t want to and I was emotionally spent. I was so grateful for those in my life who took on some of these challenges for me.
Overall, I have found that there are not very many good resources on the Internet for preparing you for either having a miscarriage or helping someone through the experience, but these are a few gems:
1.This article is a Catholic resource to help girls through miscarriage, but it is useful for those of you who are not religious. It is very practical (blunt, as well, so read at your own pace). More useful for miscarriages that occur around 3 months, but not all of it.
2.oneplace.com (Focus on the Family) has a very, very good series of talks on miscarriage that address the grief of the father (something that is talked about even less), as well as some practical ideas for grieving miscarriage.
3. This is a good summary, short to the point and covers the basics of how to be supportive.
4.This article is more detailed and graphic so proceed with caution. This is an important read as it covers what actually happens during a miscarriage- what your friend is going to see. Not many articles do which makes this one particularly valuable.
5. Also a Catholic resource, this is an excellent podcast on finding healing after miscarriage.
6. Consider talking to a friend who has had a miscarriage, so you can gain a better understanding of what the experience is like, what your friend might be experiencing, and what other women have found helpful/not helpful.
All of these resources have been helpful in my life for both the people in my life, and myself (alot of winning..) and I hope they do the same for you.